Gettin' Real

This blog will include my thoughts on what matters in life, at least from my ever humble perspective. "See matters in life as they really are, not what the powers-that-be tell you they are."

Monday, March 31, 2008

Another Response...

I had to post this. The friend I blogged about the other night apparently read my blog (didn't even know she read my blog) and said "I hope you're not talking about me here..." Whoops :) Well, it's forcing us to talk, so it's a good thing. Hope you enjoy the humor.

My response:

All I can tell you is that I'm a messed up SOB right now in my life. wink. I'm not the Kim I was.

I am working at the Ranger and I love it. Who told you if I may ask? I am in nerd heaven. I do my job, write in my own little corner of the world, get my paycheck and have the weekends to myself. The good thing is that it has me out in the public, which is healthy for me right now when I'd rather just kind of find an island and sip pina coladas all day and stuff my face with fresh fruit. Oh, and not deal with anybody. I know this isn't possible, so like I said, it's healthy to be around people that help keep me grounded and what not.

As for the post, it was a conglom. of a lot of feelings. I'm going to be honest with you, I miss you. I'm sure when this whole mess happened, I more than likely exhausted you with my hours of conversation and crying and venting. Not my most attractive time, I admit, but you were a true friend to me. You have grown very distant, and if I had more energy, I would have already flown out to see you and kicked your arss for being so. Life is hard. We go through stuff. We get depressed (good grief, I get it). But your friendship is one that has seen me through a lot of awkward phases. That's priceless. You are a sounding board, even if you give terribly annoying responses at times. I love you. I will always love you, and I mean that. I know I may be a prude sometimes in your eyes, but I am a sweet little prude--and a pretty one :) who looks to you to remind me of the lighter side of life and to not take everything so seriously. I will be honest again, I did write about you in the blog. It was so stupid looking back, but I am at an unstable emotional position right now in my life (kind of understandable). I jumped the gun, but we've been so distant that I didn't feel I could call and ask. I actually reached for the phone to call and then convinced myself not to because of the distance. Maybe that's my fault. I don't know. I cried a lot that night--not just because of you but because my grief for my mom right now is so much that at times, it just takes my breath away. My life right now is everything I never dreamed of, and yet, I suppose there is still a song in it all, it's just hard to hear it right now-that's all.

I digress, but you knew that already. :)
I'll be sipping off the whisky bottle if you want to give me a call sometime.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

A Response...

Check out "Give Chad a Peek" on my list of links. This is my response to the blog "On Politics and Morality":

I think you give some really excellent points--wonderfully thought out and written. I also think your points pose more questions, which is good because you've probably caused others (including me) to think.

When I vote, I look at the politician as sort of a mediator between me and the government. This mediator should not be looked at as perfect in anyway shape or form (you brought out some great points with your blog about this), but this mediator also should know that when he/she decided to run for office, he/she would naturally be in the spotlight and looked to as an example that the majority of the people in this country would expect to be a decent one. He/she would have to be a total ignoramus to not be aware of the fact that what he/she does publicly, personally and professionally now matters because again, mediators are looked to (and always have been) to be an example.

Let me say here that when people idolize mediators as if they are perfect and sinless, they are wrong. We are all capable of anything, and all people, including politicians, need the freedom to make mistakes. It's called being human. BUT, right or wrong, the majority of the people in this country are going to have a very hard time respecting and voting for someone who seems double-minded or has a different set of standards in a personal setting than in a professional one.

Now, in your blog, you discussed in length about the issue of morality, and according to who's sense of morality and what not. Good points. However, I think one look at Rome would tell us that if there is absolutely no moral code, a country will crumble from within. Your blog (to me) kind of portrays, "Hey, everybody's sense of morality is relative anyway, so just go with it. Do whatever you'd like to politicians because if having sex with prostitutes is OK or getting blow jobs from interns in the oval office really floats your boat and seems moral to you, go for it." Well, I just disagree. If everybody's sense of morality based on their own logic is acceptable, then what's to keep people from killing each other if it happens to fit their moral code? What's to keep a mother from drowning her babies in the tub because she said God told her to and it fared well with her mores? What would be created from all of this? Total HELTER SKELTER. Everybody would act according to what their own logic and sense of morality told them to.

We have a moral code in this country. We have law. We have these things to keep total helter skelter at bay. The point is this: all law is enacted morality and presupposes a moral system, a moral law. Whenever and wherever you weaken the moral foundations of a country or people, you take away the foundations of its law. The result is the progressive collapse of law and order, and the breakdown of society.


I don't think it's out of the question, then, to expect our politicians to follow a few basic moral codes/law of our society. Again, I am not suggesting perfection, just common sense moral laws that have been the foundation of our country since its beginning. If these politicians chose not to follow these codes/laws, then maybe they should rethink running for office. Yes, it is a lot of responsibility, but then again, it is not the common man's fault that these politicians have chosen to be in the spotlight and run for office. We are not all called to be Moses.

A few of these codes are 1) If you are not going to be faithful to your wife (and you're not willing to work at the problem), then care enough about her to just get a divorce. Don't bring shame to her just because she can't give you (apparently) what you need and you have to seek out prostitutes on the side. My guess is those barbies were not cheap, and your salary is paid by my taxes. Divorce isn't the best option either, but I sure think it's a better option than cheating on your wife and hiring illegal prostitutes. Two wrongs don't make a right. (I see you rolling your eyes at this. I know, I know, it's a stretch to say, "Hey, you are paid with tax money, so you are only allowed to do this and this with your money, not hire overpriced hookers. I digress, I digress.)
2)If you are gay and are seeking out gay sex in airports yet claim to be an anti-gay marriage politician who will cast a vote as such, know that your voters are not going to respect you.
3)Do what you say you will do. Don't just talk and do very little of what you actually talked about. Anybody can talk, but again, it takes money to buy whisky.
4) The President of the United States really just shouldn't be having blow jobs in an office payed for with my tax dollars. If you could kindly find an alley on the south side of Adams Morgan to take care of that, I'd appreciate it.
And so on...

I wanna meet this guy...

This is a friend of my friend, Candice. He seems like quite a character, and I'd love to walk a few miles with him :)

Travelin' Man

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Hello World!!!

I think a chai late needs to be included in every persons "Welcome to Kim's world" introduction bag. Really, I think I have an addiction. Other things that would be included if I had the money and could give a shout out to the world "HEY WORLD, my name is Kimmmmmmmmmmmm......I'd like you to get to know me......here is an introduction bag to my life, thoughts and opinions to get started." Of course, the only people left to actually TAKE the bags by this time would be the homeless, but nonetheless....

Since I don't have the money or the courage to do such a preposterous thing, I have decided to compile a list of the 100 things I love and post for the world to see. Actually, I was petitioned by a friend to do this because she wants it for herself. Precious. I thought on it and decided to devote some time to really working on this. I will be sharing them slowly. Some of you are actually on my list :)

It's been fun to discover some things about myself and the things I love...
Stay tuned...
#1) The way my sister, Dawn, loves to be dramatic. Though annoying every now and again, her pull towards a dramatic temperament usually has me laughing or smiling (within). "Kim, I have terrible, terrible, just awful, awful, destroying news. The dog pooped in the car. In the car. While we were driving."

On friendship

I will call this particular friend Devi because if I have a girl someday, I want her name to be Devi. It might be just a phase.

Anyway, this friend I was talking to tonight made me think once again about how so much of what we chase in life matters nothing in the end. All just a big chase of some ghost we don't even recognize when we finally see or catch...

This particular friend I could have fun with even if we were broke and the car didn't have any gas either. This particular friend I can cry my guts out to. This particular friend enjoys Splenda in her coffee and laughs when I roll my eyes. This particular friend slaps me when I need a good one or helps slap me out of my dream world. This particular friend reminds me of so many things that ARE truth instead of focusing on so much that is not. This friend will go out of her way for me. This friend gets tired of the shallow games of others too. This friend has no problem saying sorry when she has offended me (which is pretty rare really). This friend lets me share my opinions about everything from peanuts and the red light district to the fact that I'd much rather drink out of a ceramic cup than a glass one. This friend loves at ALL times, not just my more attractive ones. This friend loves my quirks. This friend loves that I tend to get worked up over getting wrong directions. This friend is so pretty inside and out. This friend is humble. This friend focuses so much of her life on serving others.

Friends are few and far between. Recently, I actually had a "decent" friend decide to take me off of her "friend list" on some widely known website and I cried when I actually realized she had done this even though I know we've been drifting over the past year or so. It's so petty and stupid (me crying that is) and I just don't understand and then I thought, "Wait Kim, remember that this past year has been so telling. Observe and weed out some of the people that were never true and faithful to start with. Oh yeah." I still cried of course, but when I talk to friends like Devi I'm reminded that it will all come out in the wash. Time tells everything. And to be darn thankful for the friends that I think I really do have. Real friends are why we won't be lonely at 80 when our moms and dads or other family, etc. are gone.

Thanks, Devi. I hope we are doing dangerously wild things at 80 like convincing nuns to show some leg.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Survival of the fittest

Welcome to the free enterprise system where the main rule is that some companies fail and some companies succeed. It's called 'survival of the fittest'. However, and this is a big however, apparently the buy out of Bear Stearns with help from the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Government is an exception to the free enterprise rule. Hey, maybe if my business fails, I can count on a bail out too. After all, doesn't America promote equality for all? But wait, I wouldn't want a bail out even if it were offered because it would only hurt me and my great country in the long run.

I have to say, one thing I really like about reporting is that if I don't produce, I will be fired. It parallels to this entire situation really. There will be no bail out if I happen not to be able to produce now, soon, or in the future. 'Nough said.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Federal Reserve takes action

I thought this was a fairly good article. Definitely something to contemplate.

www.lasvegassun.com/news/2008/mar/24/fed-steps-bring-praise-new-scrutiny

Friday, March 21, 2008

Tribute to Merle Haggard


I wrote this song for a woman I met in jail. I love Merle. Merle and this girl had stuff in common. :)








The Wrong Man
(tribute to Merle Haggard)

I fell in love with the wrong man
My momma tried to warn me 'bout boys like him
But hindsight is funny and here I am almost twenty
Sittin' on the jail floor singin' Momma Tried

I saw those cop lights flashin'
I only remember askin'
Baby, what is going on here?

He said I know you thought you knew me
You thought you could see through me
Momma always said there was a better way
I tried the straight and narrow
But I guess it's just my nature
To walk the path for those gone astray


I fell in love with the wrong man
Momma tried to warn me 'bout boys like him
But hindsight is funny and here I am almost twenty
Sittin' on the jail floor singin' Momma Tried

Yeah I shoulda known better
I shoulda known to do right
But we shot outa Hebron, Nebraska
Like a bullet from a gun
Like two bandits on the run
We were laugin' in the sun
Off to start a new life
Some life...

Music interlude

And I didn't know it then
And I sure don't know it now
How my baby shot a business man
Right underneath my brow
And I told the cops that night
I did not have a clue
But the judge stuck it to me
He said "I know you knew"
He said "I know you knew"

I fell in love with the wrong man
My momma tried to warn me 'bout boys like him
But hindsight is funny and here I am almost twenty
Sittin' on the jail floor singin' Momma Tried
............................................................................
.
And I'll turn twenty-one in prison doing life without parole
No one could steer me right but Momma tried, Momma tried
Momma tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied
That leaves only me to blame 'cuz Momma tried

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Like a pencil to paper, these are the days of our lives...


I had a friend say to me the other day that for the past year or so she has had this impending sense of doom. I know, I have upper friends :) I said, "That's funny, because this past year has been nothing but doom for me, and I'm actually beginning to feel like things are on the up and up. I feel like I'm on the verge of something big (but I couldn't go into detail because it's too soon)." She said, "Kim, something just feels off." I said, "How so?" She said, "I feel like this country is going to see a huge depression--far far worse than the first one. I feel like we are going to have a huge problem with decent drinking water. I feel like we are going to run out of energy resources. I feel like the only thing that will be worth anything is enough ammunition to fight off desperate men." I said, "You are like the sixth person in a month to say this or something similar to me." She said, "Kim, I know it may seem crazy, but my husband is even on board."

She proceeded to tell me how her husband is stockpiling weapons, food and water in their basement.

I am not a conspiracy theorist by any means. I am, however, certainly trying to look at life more realistically after 2007.

I have a very very smart cousin who stockpiles the same sorts of things as my friend's husband in his own basement, and you would never guess this cousin of mine is a conspiracy theorist or strange in the least. He is brilliant, and most people around here agree. He goes so far as to buy and hoard bars of gold in his basement.


As mentioned in a previous post, I entered into the life of a very old rancher with a 7th grade education last week. At the end of our interview he said some very interesting things: "Young lady, look at the price of wheat. We don't sell much overseas anymore. Something doesn't add up if you ask me. I think anyone can put a pencil to paper and make things seem a certain way, but mark my words, there is something terribly wrong with the economy. Very wrong." He went on to tell me that I should make sure my children know Chinese someday because so much of our debt is to them (very true). He also proceeded to tell me that he is glad he will be gone when the fit hits the shan, because the economy is going to go belly up.

This kind of talk is nothing new to me. My dad has been saying this for some time to me. In fact, my father has given a few local economic talks where he's had several folks from the community come and listen and ask questions. In other words, my dad is not stupid if he can rally up people to listen to him talk at local hang outs, and I wished I would have listened to him about a few more things earlier in life. So now's my chance I suppose. I refuse to live my life in fear. REFUSE. BUT, I do not think ignorance is bliss. I think ignorance is ignorance, and boils down to stupidity. I have to look at what has recently happened to Bear Stearns and go, "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...something is seriously strange here." Like Dad says, "Talk is cheap, but it takes money to buy whisky." Ok, I think I'm really getting it: "Talk is cheap, but it takes money to buy whisky is kind of the same thing as Anyone can put a pencil to paper..."

According to an AP article, just four days after Bear Stearns Chief Executive Alan Schwartz assured Wall Street that his company was not in trouble, he was forced on Sunday to sell the investment bank to competitor JPMorgan Chase for a bargain-basement price of $2 a share, or $236.2 million. I have listed some experts from the article with my inserts in caps:


"This is going to go down in very historic terms," said Peter Dunay, chief investment strategist for New York-based Meridian Equity Partners. "This is about credit being overextended, and how bad it is for major financial institutions and for individuals. This is why we're probably heading into a recession." (NO KIDDING?! THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS).

JPMorgan Chase & Co. said it will guarantee all business — such as trading and investment banking — until Bear Stearns' shareholders approve the deal, which is expected to be completed during the second quarter. The acquisition includes Bear Stearns' midtown Manhattan headquarters. (RIGHT, AND HOW LONG BEFORE YOU GO BELLY UP? ANYONE CAN PUT A PENCIL TO A SHEET OF PAPER, EH?)

JPMorgan Chief Financial Officer Michael Cavanagh did not say what would happen to Bear Stearns' 14,000 employees worldwide or whether the 85-year-old Bear Stearns name would live on after surviving the Great Depression, two World Wars and a slew of recessions. He told analysts and investors on a conference call that JPMorgan was most interested in buying Bear Stearns' prime brokerage business, which completes trades for big investors such as hedge funds. (DOES THE FACT THAT THIS COMPANY HAS BEEN AROUND FOR THIS LONG AND SURVIVED ALL IT HAS MAKE THE FACT THAT IT IS NOW GOING BELLY UP A LITTLE ODD FOR ANYBODY ELSE?? THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM...)

At almost the same time as the deal for control of Bear Stearns was announced, the Federal Reserve said it approved a cut in its lending rate to banks to 3.25 percent from 3.50 percent and created another lending facility for big investment banks. The central bank's official meeting is on Tuesday. Before the emergency move to lower the discount rate, which is the rate at which banks lend each other money, the Fed was widely expected to again cut its headline rate by as much as a full point to 2 percent.(I WALKED INTO MY BANK LAST WEEK AND ONE OF THE INVESTOR LADIES WAS SHAKING HER HEAD SAYING,"I HAVE NEVER SEEN RATES LIKE THIS." MAYBE THERE'S A REASON? AND THEY STILL ARE GOING DOWN?)

"Having taking Bear Stearns out of the problem category, and the strong action by the Federal Reserve, we would anticipate the market will behave quite differently on Monday than it was Thursday or Friday," Cavanagh said. (BUT SERIOUSLY, FOR HOW LONG?)



This all may seem a little strange, but I just think it's good to think. I think if people would just think for a good ten minutes a day, we would see a different kind of world. OK, maybe that is too optimistic, but I certainly think it doesn't hurt to think! I see people around me no matter where I am that live their lives being busy and get absolutely nothing done (nothing that matters in the end). I see people my age with the nicest cars and homes (that they cannot furnish mind you) because no one wants to save--everyone wants instant gratification. I see little girls looking up to Paris Hilton instead of parents shutting the TV off and encouraging their kids to read or self-entertain or actually encourage them to work on character and things that last instead of how many times they can say "bitchin" in one run-on sentence. Basically what I am saying is that Americans need to rise and shine and smell the cow pooh in the air, if you will. I think we need to get busy and stop being a people that can't handle truth--where everything looks pretty on the surface and yet is rotting from underneath. Anyone can take a pencil to a piece of paper translates to "things can seem one way on the surface, but in reality, these things could be just the opposite."

They could be. And really, I think they are. Let's look at an excerpt from the article again.

"This is about credit being overextended, and how bad it is for major financial institutions and for individuals. This is why we're probably heading into a recession."

Can you tell I'm in a mood? Wink. I can't help it. I've just seen too much lately. I've seen the eyes of an old man that thought it more important to have a career than any family and is now old and crippled and LONELY! His eyes said it before he actually said it, "Kim, focus your time on what matters. Your money, your health, your career could be over in an instant. What lasts? Concentrate on that for a 'bit and then set your mind and hand to doing it. Just because everyone else is living life a certain way on the surface, doesn't mean that they are walking in truth." I've seen the eyes of a woman who has terminal cancer and two young babies. They said the same thing. I saw the eyes of my mother. Her eyes said the same thing. I see the eyes of my father and then him saying, "The only thing that is certain is that change will come. Life is uncertain, Kim. Build it on the things that last....or things of truth."

I guess this all has me thinking on truth. I don't want to believe how the powers that be tell me to because sometimes (maybe without even knowing), they are painting a pretty picture that is not really the truth. The truth is the truth, no matter how pretty it is. No matter how hard it is to accept. The truth: the economic standing of this country is UNSTABLE. The truth: the things of God are really all that last. The truth: we can be busy and in all actuality get nothing accomplished. The truth: it is better to save and buy than borrow. The truth: relationships are the only thing to keep one from being lonely at age 90. The truth: Paris Hilton is a poor example for our children. The truth: change is inevitable. You know what I mean? There is truth, we just have to think on it a little more and then decide to set our hands to it.

I really only intended on talking about Bear Stearns in this blog. Ha. I must be woman. :)

Furthermore, I usually only share this kind of thinking with very very close friends of mine because I have feared people thinking me strange before. But I don't care now. I am strange to most (especially here I think), and I guess I like it that way. It keeps all of the cookie-cutter (AKA people that don't think!!) people out of my life :)

Peace.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Clicking through the halls of Congress

Oh, and about my job. Basically it affords something different every day. I suppose this is what I enjoy best about it. In fact, today I got to step over cow crud and enter into the life of a 91-year-old rancher man who insisted he dance with me at the end of our lengthy interview. Cute. However, I told him time was of the essence and that one shouldn't be paid to dance a little dance except within the office parameters (I used this as an excuse because I really am not great at dancing, especially with a fragile old man who could have passed at any second). He also asked me to join him on his next trip to the Himalayan mountains. I told him I had already been to China of course. He was an interesting character. I love people that are full of life, and he was no exception.

Ragan, should you read this, I am excited that you are clicking your ways through the halls of Congress once again. I miss that sound at times. Truly, God works in mysterious ways.

Much love.

Conversation while watching "House"

I had to share, because I love "House" when I get to watch it. Who knew this new job would keep me so busy in Glendive town? I love the job though.

Me: "Is that even legal? I didn't know you could give half of your liver to someone who needs it."
Jon: "I didn't either, but I guess that's why they say the liver is so magical."
Me: "I'd give you half of my liver if you needed it."
Jon: "I'd give you half of my liver, too."
Me: "I'd even give you a kidney if you needed it."
Jon: "I'd give you half of my liver and a kidney."
Me: "I'd give you both of my kidneys."
Jon: "I'd give you both of my kidneys and then steal two from somebody else and give you those, too."
(... long pause ...)
Me: "But I wouldn't need four kidneys."
Jon: "No, but you'd have options."

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Plastic Deer


One of my more individual and married friends recently had a great book idea. The premise of his book was going to be about worthless men. This particular friend said, "I see way too many wonderful, sexy, beautiful women holding out for these men that are just losers! Women need to start loving themselves enough to hold out for the real deal. The real deer, not the plastic one. There are some GREAT deer out there!!" I smiled. I agreed. I have been guilty in the past of shooting all my arrows at men (or plastic deer) who did not deserve me and passed up some really great opportunities to date some great guys. I know way too many women who have been guilty of this as well, and some who are still shooting all their ammunition at plastic deer. Before Mom died, she told me in one of our heart-to-heart conversations, "I want all of my girls to have relationships (be them friendships or romantic ones) where they feel like they are special. All of you girls are special and beautiful, and you deserve respect and special treatment. I never required that, and I want better for you girls." She was right. My sisters Marcy and Sadie related to me the other night that "something snapped" after Mom died, and they just "won't allow themselves to be mistreated by anyone anymore." Mom would be proud. I almost cried when Marcy said, "You know, I looked at myself in the mirror the other night and thought....wow, I really like what I see!!" It's about time Marcy. You are a beauty!!

So this is for all you girls out there who don't think you are lovely. You are! Make something of yourself. Read books, travel, do wild and crazy things like land yourself in jail for 45 days just for the experience, start businesses, color your hair, tell somebody to their face what you usually only say behind their back, be wild and daring, talk ideas, learn to play an instrument, go through the drive thru and order a diet water and on and on. Work on you, love you and respect yourself. Be humble, be wise and really, only invest your time in relationships and friendships that are based on mutual respect. AND for all you men out there who are great men, good for you. Mentor the younger ones and teach your babies! We need good men to rise up and take a stand on issues that matter!

I don't know why I'm on a soap box tonight. I guess I get random fits of inspiration and since I only have the dog to talk to tonight I decided to write instead. I think I am rather squirrel like from having the flu too. Oh the things you think up when you are miserable. I guess misery breeds creativity as Myra says.

I'm going make a chai late and map out a year plan to get myself to Jordan. Much love and big dreams to all of you!

P.S. I know I must sound mean in this, but I mean well. I looked on the other day as this boy (yes, boy) totally totally belittled his girl's logic during a conversation (he said it loudly enough for everyone to hear). I have no problem with agreeing to disagree or debating, but he treated her like the pooh on his shoe, and it made me sad. She was so embarrassed in front of all these people and I kind of just thought, "Dude, you totally look like the ass here!" I wanted to throw my fork at him. I wanted to tell her he was a plastic deer. Instead, I ate my cottage cheese. Maybe next time I'll muster the courage...

Cheers.