Love is merely madness

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, I wanted to write my column on falling in love—you know, the kind of love that drives the Valentine’s Day market and has new couples buying mushy cards and sending flowers and savoring chocolate truffles received as a token of affection. In the past, Valentine’s Day made me gag a little to be frank. I’d shrug my shoulders and haughtily offer up to the universe, ‘Oh, it’s such a commercialized day. Like they say, uncork the imagination and do away with good common sense. Goodness.’

So I woke up early Saturday morning with this topic on the brain. Oh boy! ‘How do you know when you’re really falling in love with somebody or at least enough to buckle down and buy those chocolates on Valentine’s Day?' is how I began the day (Annoying, right?). And I was determined to have my column written in just a few hours after I really took time to think on the topic, you see. Nice try. I also decided to seek advice from several people I know (and some strangers) who I figured might have something to offer on the subject.

I waited until 7 a.m. and called my old guitar teacher, who is a seventy-something. I figured he'd be able to offer some wisdom on the topic, and I owed him a telephone call anyway. Besides, I was craving his dry sense of humor instead of a cup of coffee this particular morning.

'Bill, it's me.'
'Is this Wiseman?'
'It is. And I've been thinking about you, my friend.'
'Well, they say small minds are easily amused.'
We both laughed.
'Bill, talk to me a little about what you know on falling in love. You're older and wiser. What have you learned in all your years?'
'Nothing.'
'Bill, you have to know something.'
'I guess you could go back to the Greeks. They had several forms of love, you know. My favorite is eros love (He paused and I knew he was smiling to himself). I do know love is a little bit better than like and the opposite of hate, although hate and love appear to be closely related.'
'Keep going.'
'Well, I'm still in love with my high school sweetheart, but I haven't seen her in 50 years. There are so many things that interplay with love...like circumstance. It's hard to analyze an emotion, you see. It kind of gravitates to where it will. If you want the honest truth, Kim, love or falling in love is a (bad word) mystery. Just watch Shakespeare In Love.'
'So if you had a daughter and were giving her advice about her falling in love, what would you tell her?'
'Listen to your heart and feel your way along from day to day. You either know you love someone or you don't, and that comes with time. Don't rush anything, and try not to confuse love with lust. I guess that's what I'd say.'

As usual, we talked for just a few moments more before Bill had to get back to his Saturday morning chores and make his way to Einstein Brothers Bagels (a tradition for Bill on weekends).

Later that day, I went to visit my cowboy (and extremely pragmatic) grandfather in Terry. Surely he would have some simple, concrete answers. I asked the same kinds of questions over a card game and Hank Williams singing 'Your Cheatin’ Heart' on the radio (how fitting). His response? 'I guess I just knew when I loved your grandmother. She made me laugh. You just know when you know. …Make sure to give it time, Kim. Too many people rush things today. That’s no kidding.'

Needless to say, I was a little less than satisfied as I continued thinking on the topic of falling in love during my drive back to Glendive, because I tend to like concrete/black and white kinds of answers instead of, 'Well, you'll just know when you know, kid. Make sure to give it time...' Besides, I had a column to write.

I called other friends on Saturday, spoke to strangers on the street, tried to listen to the wind speak, and only four pieces of advice were consistent on the topic of falling in love: You just know when you know, love is a mystery, don’t confuse love with lust and love takes time. As clear as mud, right?

I sat down to write my column and thought, ‘Boy, I haven’t a thing to write about, really. How dreadfully dull.’ And I have to be honest in stating I do have very little (even after seeking advice from many) to offer on the subject. But I will say that in light of the upcoming Valentine’s Day, I can’t help but think William Shakespeare had it right when he said ‘Love is merely madness,’ because I suppose there is nothing too concrete or black and white when it comes to falling in love. And I suppose most people would agree, even if it does sound crazy, that the fact that the process of falling in love cannot be ‘boxed’ or cut down to some black and white mathematic formula is what makes the process completely worthwhile. The point is there is no point at all and yet, we love it. We hate it. It’s simple. It’s complicated. Someone’s laughing. Someone’s crying. Someone’s living. Someone’s dying. It’s ridiculously grand and delightfully awful, this process called ‘falling in love.’

Valentine’s Day doesn’t necessarily make me gag anymore, but whether or not I choose to partake in the silly madness and buy chocolates, flowers, some mushy card, or read aloud some Romantic period poetry this Valentine’s Day or any Valentine’s Day for that matter? Well sure, because it’s like they say, ‘uncork the imagination and do away with good common sense,’ right? And I guess that’s really the point.